paragraph

What this handout is about

This handout will help you understand how paragraphs are formed, how to develop stronger paragraphs, and how to completely and clearly express your ideas.

What is a paragraph?

Paragraphs are the building blocks of papers. Many students define paragraphs in terms of length: a paragraph is a group of at least five sentences, a paragraph is half a page long, etc. In reality, though, the unity and coherence of ideas among sentences is what constitutes a paragraph. A paragraph is defined as “a group of sentences or a single sentence that forms a unit” (Lunsford and Connors 116). Length and appearance do not determine whether a section in a paper is a paragraph. For instance, in some styles of writing, particularly journalistic styles, a paragraph can be just one sentence long. Ultimately, a paragraph is a sentence or group of sentences that support one main idea. In this handout, we will refer to this as the “controlling idea,” because it controls what happens in the rest of the paragraph.

How do I decide what to put in a paragraph?

Before you can begin to determine what the composition of a particular paragraph will be, you must first decide on a working thesis for your paper. What is the most important idea that you are trying to convey to your reader? The information in each paragraph must be related to that idea. In other words, your paragraphs should remind your reader that there is a recurrent relationship between your thesis and the information in each paragraph. A working thesis functions like a seed from which your paper, and your ideas, will grow. The whole process is an organic one—a natural progression from a seed to a full-blown paper where there are direct, familial relationships between all of the ideas in the paper.
The decision about what to put into your paragraphs begins with the germination of a seed of ideas; this “germination process” is better known as brainstorming. There are many techniques for brainstorming; whichever one you choose, this stage of paragraph development cannot be skipped. Building paragraphs can be like building a skyscraper: there must be a well-planned foundation that supports what you are building. Any cracks, inconsistencies, or other corruptions of the foundation can cause your whole paper to crumble.
So, let’s suppose that you have done some brainstorming to develop your thesis. What else should you keep in mind as you begin to create paragraphs? Every paragraph in a paper should be

• Unified—All of the sentences in a single paragraph should be related to a single controlling idea (often expressed in the topic sentence of the paragraph).
• Clearly related to the thesis—The sentences should all refer to the central idea, or thesis, of the paper (Rosen and Behrens 119).
• Coherent—The sentences should be arranged in a logical manner and should follow a definite plan for development (Rosen and Behrens 119).
• Well-developed—Every idea discussed in the paragraph should be adequately explained and supported through evidence and details that work together to explain the paragraph’s controlling idea (Rosen and Behrens 119).

How do I organize a paragraph?

There are many different ways to organize a paragraph. The organization you choose will depend on the controlling idea of the paragraph. Below are a few possibilities for organization, with brief examples.

• Narration: Tell a story. Go chronologically, from start to finish. (See an example.)
• Description: Provide specific details about what something looks, smells, tastes, sounds, or feels like. Organize spatially, in order of appearance, or by topic. (See an example.)
• Process: Explain how something works, step by step. Perhaps follow a sequence—first, second, third. (See an example.)
• Classification: Separate into groups or explain the various parts of a topic. (See an example.)
• Illustration: Give examples and explain how those examples prove your point. (See the detailed example in the next section of this handout.)

5-step process to paragraph development

Let’s walk through a 5-step process to building a paragraph. Each step of the process will include an explanation of the step and a bit of “model” text to illustrate how the step works. Our finished model paragraph will be about slave spirituals, the original songs that African Americans created during slavery. The model paragraph uses illustration (giving examples) to prove its point.
Step 1. Decide on a controlling idea and create a topic sentence
Paragraph development begins with the formulation of the controlling idea. This idea directs the paragraph’s development. Often, the controlling idea of a paragraph will appear in the form of a topic sentence. In some cases, you may need more than one sentence to express a paragraph’s controlling idea. Here is the controlling idea for our “model paragraph,” expressed in a topic sentence:
Model controlling idea and topic sentence— Slave spirituals often had hidden double meanings.
Step 2. Explain the controlling idea

• Paragraph development continues with an expression of the rationale or the explanation that the writer gives for how the reader should interpret the information presented in the idea statement or topic sentence of the paragraph. The writer explains his/her thinking about the main topic, idea, or focus of the paragraph. Here’s the sentence that would follow the controlling idea about slave spirituals:

Model explanation—On one level, spirituals referenced heaven, Jesus, and the soul; but on another level, the songs spoke about slave resistance.
Step 3. Give an example (or multiple examples)

• Paragraph development progresses with the expression of some type of support or evidence for the idea and the explanation that came before it. The example serves as a sign or representation of the relationship established in the idea and explanation portions of the paragraph. Here are two examples that we could use to illustrate the double meanings in slave spirituals:

Model example A— For example, according to Frederick Douglass, the song “O Canaan, Sweet Canaan” spoke of slaves’ longing for heaven, but it also expressed their desire to escape to the North. Careful listeners heard this second meaning in the following lyrics: “I don’t expect to stay / Much longer here. / Run to Jesus, shun the danger. / I don’t expect to stay.”
Model example B— Slaves even used songs like “Steal Away to Jesus (at midnight)” to announce to other slaves the time and place of secret, forbidden meetings.
Step 4. Explain the example(s)
The next movement in paragraph development is an explanation of each example and its relevance to the topic sentence and rationale that were stated at the beginning of the paragraph. This explanation shows readers why you chose to use this/or these particular examples as evidence to support the major claim, or focus, in your paragraph.
Continue the pattern of giving examples and explaining them until all points/examples that the writer deems necessary have been made and explained. NONE of your examples should be left unexplained. You might be able to explain the relationship between the example and the topic sentence in the same sentence which introduced the example. More often, however, you will need to explain that relationship in a separate sentence. Look at these explanations for the two examples in the slave spirituals paragraph:
Model explanation for example A— When slaves sang this song, they could have been speaking of their departure from this life and their arrival in heaven; however, they also could have been describing their plans to leave the South and run, not to Jesus, but to the North.
Model explanation for example B—[The relationship between example B and the main idea of the paragraph's controlling idea is clear enough without adding another sentence to explain it.]
Step 5. Complete the paragraph’s idea or transition into the next paragraph
The final movement in paragraph development involves tying up the loose ends of the paragraph and reminding the reader of the relevance of the information in this paragraph to the main or controlling idea of the paper. At this point, you can remind your reader about the relevance of the information that you just discussed in the paragraph. You might feel more comfortable, however, simply transitioning your reader to the next development in the next paragraph. Here’s an example of a sentence that completes the slave spirituals paragraph:
Model sentence for completing a paragraph— What whites heard as merely spiritual songs, slaves discerned as detailed messages. The hidden meanings in spirituals allowed slaves to sing what they could not say.
Notice that the example and explanation steps of this 5-step process (steps 3 and 4) can be repeated as needed. The idea is that you continue to use this pattern until you have completely developed the main idea of the paragraph.

Here is a look at the completed “model” paragraph:

Slave spirituals often had hidden double meanings. On one level, spirituals referenced heaven, Jesus, and the soul, but on another level, the songs spoke about slave resistance. For example, according to Frederick Douglass, the song “O Canaan, Sweet Canaan” spoke of slaves’ longing for heaven, but it also expressed their desire to escape to the North. Careful listeners heard this second meaning in the following lyrics: “I don’t expect to stay / Much longer here. / Run to Jesus, shun the danger. / I don’t expect to stay.” When slaves sang this song, they could have been speaking of their departure from this life and their arrival in heaven; however, they also could have been describing their plans to leave the South and run, not to Jesus, but to the North. Slaves even used songs like “Steal Away to Jesus (at midnight)” to announce to other slaves the time and place of secret, forbidden meetings. What whites heard as merely spiritual songs, slaves discerned as detailed messages. The hidden meanings in spirituals allowed slaves to sing what they could not say.

Troubleshooting paragraphs

1) Problem: the paragraph has no topic sentence. Imagine each paragraph as a sandwich. The real content of the sandwich—the meat or other filling—is in the middle. It includes all the evidence you need to make the point. But it gets kind of messy to eat a sandwich without any bread. Your readers don’t know what to do with all the evidence you’ve given them. So, the top slice of bread (the first sentence of the paragraph) explains the topic (or controlling idea) of the paragraph. And, the bottom slice (the last sentence of the paragraph) tells the reader how the paragraph relates to the broader argument. In the original and revised paragraphs below, notice how a topic sentence expressing the controlling idea tells the reader the point of all the evidence.
Original paragraph

Piranhas rarely feed on large animals; they eat smaller fish and aquatic plants. When confronted with humans, piranhas’ first instinct is to flee, not attack. Their fear of humans makes sense. Far more piranhas are eaten by people than people are eaten by piranhas. If the fish are well-fed, they won’t bite humans.

Revised paragraph

Although most people consider piranhas to be quite dangerous, they are, for the most part, entirely harmless. Piranhas rarely feed on large animals; they eat smaller fish and aquatic plants. When confronted with humans, piranhas’ first instinct is to flee, not attack. Their fear of humans makes sense. Far more piranhas are eaten by people than people are eaten by piranhas. If the fish are well-fed, they won’t bite humans.

Once you have mastered the use of topic sentences, you may decide that the topic sentence for a particular paragraph really shouldn’t be the first sentence of the paragraph. This is fine—the topic sentence can actually go at the beginning, middle, or end of a paragraph; what’s important is that it is in there somewhere so that readers know what the main idea of the paragraph is and how it relates back to the thesis of your paper. Suppose that we wanted to start the piranha paragraph with a transition sentence—something that reminds the reader of what happened in the previous paragraph—rather than with the topic sentence. Let’s suppose that the previous paragraph was about all kinds of animals that people are afraid of, like sharks, snakes, and spiders. Our paragraph might look like this (the topic sentence is underlined):
Like sharks, snakes, and spiders, pirahnas are widely feared. Although most people consider piranhas to be quite dangerous, they are, for the most part, entirely harmless. Piranhas rarely feed on large animals; they eat smaller fish and aquatic plants. When confronted with humans, piranhas’ first instinct is to flee, not attack. Their fear of humans makes sense. Far more piranhas are eaten by people than people are eaten by piranhas. If the fish are well-fed, they won’t bite humans.
2) Problem: the paragraph has more than one controlling idea. If a paragraph has more than one main idea, consider eliminating sentences that relate to the second idea, or split the paragraph into two or more paragraphs, each with only one main idea. In the following paragraph, the final two sentences branch off into a different topic; so, the revised paragraph eliminates them and concludes with a sentence that reminds the reader of the paragraph’s main idea.
Original paragraph

Although most people consider piranhas to be quite dangerous, they are, for the most part, entirely harmless. Piranhas rarely feed on large animals; they eat smaller fish and aquatic plants. When confronted with humans, piranhas’ first instinct is to flee, not attack. Their fear of humans makes sense. Far more piranhas are eaten by people than people are eaten by piranhas. A number of South American groups eat piranhas. They fry or grill the fish and then serve them with coconut milk or tucupi, a sauce made from fermented manioc juices.

Revised paragraph

Although most people consider piranhas to be quite dangerous, they are, for the most part, entirely harmless. Piranhas rarely feed on large animals; they eat smaller fish and aquatic plants. When confronted with humans, piranhas’ first instinct is to flee, not attack. Their fear of humans makes sense. Far more piranhas are eaten by people than people are eaten by piranhas. If the fish are well-fed, they won’t bite humans.

3) Problem: transitions are needed within the paragraph. You are probably familiar with the idea that transitions may be needed between paragraphs or sections in a paper (see our handout on this subject). Sometimes they are also helpful within the body of a single paragraph. Within a paragraph, transitions are often single words or short phrases that help to establish relationships between ideas and to create a logical progression of those ideas in a paragraph. This is especially likely to be true within paragraphs that discuss multiple examples. Let’s take a look at a version of our piranha paragraph that uses transitions to orient the reader:
Although most people consider piranhas to be quite dangerous, they are, except in two main situations, entirely harmless. Piranhas rarely feed on large animals; they eat smaller fish and aquatic plants. When confronted with humans, piranhas’ instinct is to flee, not attack. But there are two situations in which a piranha bite is likely. The first is when a frightened piranha is lifted out of the water—for example, if it has been caught in a fishing net. The second is when the water level in pools where piranhas are living falls too low. A large number of fish may be trapped in a single pool, and if they are hungry, they may attack anything that enters the water.
In this example, you can see how the phrases “the first” and “the second” help the reader follow the organization of the ideas in the paragraph.

Works consulted

We consulted these works while writing the original version of this handout. This is not a comprehensive list of resources on the handout’s topic, and we encourage you to do your own research to find the latest publications on this topic. Please do not use this list as a model for the format of your own reference list, as it may not match the citation style you are using.

7 ways to impress people in 60s

No matter what income level they've achieved, some people still don't have a clue as to how to draw others to them. They don't know what to say to put others at ease or how to act in order to electrify a room. But by the time you reach 50, you should know a thing or two about how to impress those around you. People can tell when you feel comfortable in your own skin. And when you feel comfortable in your own skin, you'll give others the confidence they need to be themselves as well. And that's pretty impressive.
Famous folks usually included on lists of the world's most impressive people include Hillary Clinton, Taylor Swift and Chris Christie. What do they have in common? All are smart and supremely self-confident.
After consulting with a few very impressive friends, here are seven ways to wow people in 60 seconds or less. Have your own ideas? Tell us about them in comments.
1. Treat your spouse well.
Few things impress me LESS than someone who talks poorly about their spouse (or children for that matter). Marital fidelity/loyalty is becoming increasingly rare, especially among my 50-something friends. Those who stay faithful to their partner -- and who also don't cut them down -- impress me. And certainly they impress their spouses as well. So take your partner's hand, or say something nice about them.
2. Look people in the eye
If you can hold someone's gaze, you are more likely to connect with them on a personal level. If someone can't look me in the eye, I tend to think they are either hiding something or are simply not very confident about what they have to say. I'm impressed when people have the confidence to really focus on me.
3. Give compliments freely to those who deserve it
I have a friend who always -- without fail -- says something nice to me as soon as she sees me. It's always something simple like "I love those earrings" but it always makes me feel good and it always makes me want to be around her. People may not always remember what you say, but they will remember how it feels to be around you. Obviously, don't overdo it. But a simple, genuine compliment goes a long way.
4. Do what you say you're going to do
I have another friend who, if she says she's going to meet you at 7 p.m., she's going to meet you at 7 p.m. and not a minute after. I have other friends who are habitually late or who make promises they can never deliver on. I'd rather have a friend tell me "no" than to tell me "maybe" and then renege on me later on. Be reliable and people will respect you for it.
5. Stand up for your beliefs in a respectful, intelligent manner
There are few things more impressive to me than someone who doesn't shy away from standing up for their beliefs -- and then who can back up what they say with intelligent research while also keeping an open mind and listening to what others have to interject. By the time you're 50, you should definitely have a pretty clear idea of where you stand on issues. Impress people by speaking out without sounding arrogant.
6. Ask about a person's kid or grandkid
I'm always impressed when someone remembers something pertaining to one of my three kids. When someone asks me about, say, my daughter's audition for the lead in the school play, it shows me they are paying attention to what's going on in my life. And that's very impressive.
7. Know what's going on in the world
Even those who have a cursory knowledge of current events are impressive. (And this doesn't just mean knowing who won "Dancing With The Stars" the night before.) If you don't have a lot of time, try at least scanning the headlines or catching up on the news during the weekend.

How to Know if a Girl Likes You???

steps

1. 1
   Be bold and initiate a short chat. This will help you to learn those little things that will come in handy later because everyone loves learning that someone has listened to them... and remembered the small things. Listen carefully and attentively to the things she tells you so that you can store these away for future reference. And as you're chatting, notice if she gives away any signs of fancying you too; watch for signs, special words and large hints.
   • All girls are different, so be aware of the signs. Listen to the tone of her voice. If she's shy, the tone of her voice might be a little softer than normal, and she might start to play with her hair (smoothing it down, twirling, flipping), adjusting her clothes, and might stare at you.
   • Another sign that she likes you is if she laughs at your boring or stupid joke. (Beware though! Don't use bad jokes as a test, or you'll risk looking like a comedy dork.)
   • She may not be able to look you straight in the eye and she might giggle a lot because she is worried about giving too much away.
   • Check for the smile. A girl that's interested in you will usually immediately smile when you start a conversation with her. The smile may disappear quickly if she's shy, but it's hard to hide an unexpected strong emotion. If she's not interested (that doesn't mean she doesn't like you, but she likely doesn't have a crush on you or romantic desire), she'll likely look at you inquisitively, but she won't express any particular strong emotion.
     
     
     
2. 2
   Watch for signs of flirting. If she's flirting, she may be difficult to read. Gregarious girls may flirt with guys who they consider to be just friends, and for the uninitiated, this general interaction can sometimes be misconstrued as a crush, so get to know the girl's general style around guys before making assumptions.
   • Be aware that some girls have no idea that they're flirting. In this case, she probably likes you a great deal, since her subconscious is letting her body language do most of the talking.
   • Most girls don't like to be obvious. With a girl who doesn't mind openly flirting, try to see if she is flirt with you a little bit more than with others.
   • If a girl says "awwww" after you do something, it is also a sign that she is trying to flirt with you. She may do this after you cough, trip, or say something cute.
   • If you fancy a girl, never make the mistake of "flirting around". If she sees you putting your arm around another girl or sees another girl hugging you, she may simply assume she doesn't mean anything to you and will stop trying.
     
     
     
3. 3
   Check for random hugs, reserved mostly for you. Hugs can be a very openly and permissible affectionate way of getting closer to you and touching you without it necessarily compromising her stealthy flirting. In turn, you can go along with it if you want, or just act busy like you're late for an appointment and need to rush off.
   
   
   
4. 4
   Take notice if she "accidentally" bumps into you more often than what you'd consider the usual. This ploy is ancient and tried and true, as it's a way of touching you subtly and sizing up how responsive (and perhaps even how well toned) you are. If she finds excuses to touch you a lot, then you're probably on the right track. Act casual when she bumps into you and say "no worries" or something similar. As for touching your arm and hair in a casual but rather meaningful way, there's really no need to say anything; just lap it up graciously.
   • Not all girls will feel comfortable reaching out using touch. In this case, don't assume that she doesn't like you because she doesn't try to touch you. She may be too nervous to touch you yet. Don't be shy––break the touch barrier yourself.
   • She may also find other reasons to touch you, such as by lightly hitting you about the head, or soft punching to the body. These "one-of-the-mates" moves can be a thinly disguised way of getting closer to you without it being too evident to your friends and hers.
     
     
     
5. 5
   Observe the way in which she looks at you. If she likes you, she will tend to either hold her gaze on you for a long time or pull away immediately the moment your eyes make contact with hers. Either of these responses could mean that she likes you. If she pulls away quickly, it often means she is nervous or not ready to reveal her true intentions yet, but she still likes you. And if she holds the stare, and you believe you see responsiveness or even love in her eyes, then she is confident and she may make the first move.
   • Of course, some girls might just be staring or winding you up, so don't think she loves you and wants to get in touch with the real, inner you. Use the context to discern the motive.
   • If you happen to glance at the girl and you see her staring back at you, then this means that she likes you, although she may quickly dart her head in a different direction.
     
     
     
6. 6
   Look at her friends. If you see most of her friends glancing back at you and smiling or giggling, this probably means that she has told her friends about you and they're "in the know". This can happen at any age, although mature girls and women friends tend to behave in a slightly more circumspect way, using glances and knowing smiles or nods instead of giggles. In some cases, a friend may actually be bold enough to come and tell you that her friend likes you.
   • When she is having a conversation with her friends, and you come over, she might stop talking all of a sudden. This likely means that you were the subject of the recently ended conversation.
   • If she likes you and she told her friends about you, they might come up to you and start a random conversation about things such as: Who would you rather date me or (her name), who do you like better, who is the hottest, would you marry (her name) or me, etc. If they name a list of about three people and her name is in the list, she probably told her friends about you and they're trying to search for clues to see how you feel about her.
   • In teen years, if her friends are loud and immature, you'll most likely hear "(your name), (her name) likes you!"
   • Do be aware that her friends might be making it up just to tease her. Listen for things like: "Stop teasing me!" or "Be quiet! He might hear!"
     
     
     
7. 7
   Look out for moments where you can play "rescuing the damsel in distress". If you're outside and the girl you like is nearby and starts loudly saying "I'm cold!", that's a subtle hint that she wants you to give her your sweater. This is a very sweet gesture, especially if you want to show the girl that you like her. And sometimes a girl will pretend to be really bad at doing something, and say that she can't do it. That is your chance to offer some assistance; be aware that she will most likely be doing this on purpose just to see your reaction and hope that you will help out.
   • When offering assistance, if there are other guys around and she actually likes one of those guys, she might be disappointed when you offer your coat to her first or offer your assistance. In this case, at least you'll know how she feels and can move on. You might even be magnanimous enough to tell the right guy that she fancies him.
     
     
     
8. 8
   Smile at her. Girls tend to like guys who smile, and are happy. Use your natural smile; you don't want to freak her out. If she smiles back politely, or frowns and looks away, she may be uncomfortable or disinterested. If she returns a soft or big smile and continues to look at you, then it's likely that she's interested. However she reacts, it cannot hurt to keep smiling her way. Eventually she'll get the message that you find her charming and she may feel able to open up more or at least to tell you openly that she's either interested or not.
   • If she smiles then darts over to the crowd of her friends and hides in the group, then she may be nervous and curious about whether you know that she likes you.
     
     
     
9. 9
   Watch her body language. You can learn a lot about a girl by observing her body language and it goes well beyond obvious flirting signs into unconscious signals of attraction. There are a lot of signs that will tell you she's interested. For example, if a girl has her torso turned towards you in an open manner, this means that she is confident talking with you. If she has a closed body position, namely crossed arms or legs, she may be shy or nervous to talk to you or she may simply be creating a barrier to ward you off. Invest in a decent book on body language to help you learn how to accurately read her.
   
   
   
   • Watch for subtle signs in the girl's face––if her eyes are dilating, then she may really like you.
   • When you are both in a room-- if she sits diagonally from you or across from you at the room,when she's interested, her torso is facing you in an open manner, or her shoulders and hips are facing you. Either of these signs may mean she likes you. When she is sitting and she has her legs crossed, watch her feet, if its pointed towards you, it might mean that she likes you and wants to get closer to you.
   • Look at her lips. If she touches them constantly or bites them, she's probably very interested in you. If her lip quivers slightly when you look at her, you can almost be sure she likes you.
     
     
     
10. 10
    Notice the little things she does for you. If she's always there for you when you need help, even like when you mention that you're really thirsty and she quickly offers you a sip from her drink, she might like you. But don't assume that she's into you only from one experience. Ask her occasionally for small things, like chewing gum or a pen, and notice how she reacts. If she's always ready to offer you something you might need, go further and ask her to help you with something else, like a school, college or work problem. It shouldn't be something really easy to solve, but not too difficult either, as some girls might say that they don't know how to help you with a more challenging problem. If she's eager to help you, she probably likes you, although if you use this approach too much or choose tasks that seem too difficult, she may think you're lazy, testing her or even a bit of a nuisance. Don't overdo it; you don't want to risk her ceasing to like you.
    
    
    
11. 11
    If you decide that she does appear to like you, confirm it by having the courage to go and talk to her. Many girls feel too shy or nervous about what your reaction might be to start a conversation with romantic undertones. Even if she seems like the most confident girl you know, she may have had a bad experience in the past or simply not be ready to approach you yet but will be receptive if you start the conversation first. For more ideas, see How to ask a girl out.
    
    
    
12. 12
    Finally, but importantly, avoid over-analyzing her behavior. Doing so may result in your becoming obsessed with simply "winning her over", rather than getting to know her as a person. Rather than investing tons of time in determining whether or not she likes you, just take opportunities every now and then to spend time with her and her friends (not excessively though, or you may appear to have no social life of your own). Basically, get to know her as a person first and foremost and maybe things can go from there later––starting off as a friend gives you a chance to connect on a more real level. Just make sure to make your intentions relatively clear (via subtle flirting), or else you may become permanently "friend-zoned".

how to find soulmate???

Part One: Dating

1. 1
   Try internet dating. Modern man has taken to the internet for expertise, shopping, and — now — dating. More and more people today are finding their soulmates online, and doing so quickly and effectively. Online dating can be fruitful if you put in time and follow a few simple steps:
   
   
   
2. 2
   Get yourself out there. If you expect to find your soulmate at some point, chances are you're going to have to take part in the exciting activity known as dating. No, you're not alone; yes, it can be hassle, and occasionally more than disappointing. But dating can take a lot of forms, and with a little bit of confidence, self-respect, and creativity, can help you find the person of your dreams.
   
   
   
   • Ask your friends if they know anyone who might be a good fit for you. Your friends spend a lot of time with you and understand your likes and dislikes by now. Trust them to set you up with someone they feel is a good match. If you don't hit it off, have the confidence to bounce back, stay on good terms with your date, and not blame your friend.
   • Attend functions, socials, and reunions. Have that out-of-town seminar looming? Look at it as a chance to meet someone in the same profession and maybe hit it off. The world works in mysterious ways; the more you attend events that interest you or involve your profession, the higher your chances for meeting that special someone will be.
   • Make your public profile interesting, engaging, and honest. Remember, this is what people will first digest when they look at your profile. If you take the time to add interesting details about who you are and where you've come from, what you like and what you find funny, chances are right sort of people will respond to that. If you're dishonest in your profile, the people you meet in person will eventually figure things out and probably won't respond well.
   • Make a genuine effort to reach out to people. Send interesting people messages, and take the time to craft an engaging message. "I noticed you're in the auto industry, what do you think of this new car model?" is much likelier to elicit a response than "Hey, what's up?"
   • When you decide to meet your date in person, pick a public place and keep the first date short. A public place means your date will feel safe and in a social environment. Even if your date is going really well, beg off after an hour and leave time for successive dates. You'll get many chances to feel more comfortable with the individual, and you won't risk exhausting things to talk about on the first date.
3. 3
   Don't keep making the same mistakes. Dating is tough. Finding that person — much less that soulmate — who we feel understands us perfectly and meets all of our needs can take years. That's why it's important to keep growing as we date, and learn from our dating mistakes.
   
   
   
   • Don't put yourself in abusive relationships. An abusive relationship will cause you to lose trust in other people, blame yourself for other people's problems, and fall into an attitude of despair. Respect your own dignity and leave relationships in which your partner threatens you, insults you, becomes addicted to drugs, or manipulates you to get what they want. Seek a relationship expert or other professional if you suspect that you might be in an abusive relationship.
   • Don't fall back in with the same person you've dated and broken up with six or seven times. Psychologists say that we fall back into relationships with people we've broken up with because of comfort and familiarity: we don't have to start all over again and we know a lot already about the other person. Well, there's a reason you've broken up seven times. Probably more than one. Contrary to what they might say, your relationship probably won't change. Break the cycle and go looking for a new adventure!
   • Accept people for who they are, not who you want them to be. You've got all these fantasies flying around in your head about how wonderful and special your soulmate will be, and it can be easy to project those specific characteristics and features in anyone you get involved with. Unrealistic expectations can ruin a relationship, and might even chase your soulmate away. Whoever your soulmate may be, appreciate their individuality and trust that if this person is your soulmate, they'll never need to change who they are for you, just like you'll never need to change who you are for them.

Part Two: Self-Improvement

1. 1
   Focus your mind. It's no secret that we're attracted to people who make us laugh, cause us to think, and are generally enthusiastic about the world. We love these people because they're interesting, smart, and passionate. In order to appeal to your soulmate, you can always improve your intellect, no matter where you stand.
   
   
   
   • Start learning about what interests you. So you like steam engines, or fashion, or psychology. Take a dive into the deep end and really study that subject you've been meaning to know more about. You don't have to be an expert, but being able to talk about interesting tidbits and crazy connections is appealing to other people and enhances your rich inner life.
   • Take the time to travel. You don't need to travel to Venice or Botswana if you don't have the dough or inclination; a quick weekender to that deserted ghost town or quaint city nearby will certainly do. Traveling teaches you about different cultures and enlarges your perspective on life. It also doesn't hurt when it comes to meeting new, potentially fateful, people!
   • Engage in debate and discussion. Debate and discussion, at local meetings, bars, or even coffee shops, will hone your ability to think critically and speak publicly. It will also help you become an anchor of your community. Be civil, thoughtful, and don't let your pride get in the way. Do not bully anyone with a different perspective into the ground! Your goal is to learn and share, not "win" the debate.
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   Hone your body. It's also no secret that physical attraction matters to potential soulmates, although probably not as much as personality and mental spark. Getting in shape and grooming your body so it looks its best is an important step in attracting the person who will love you.
   
   
   
   • Join your local gym or "Y." The goal here isn't to look like Tyra Banks or Bradley Cooper; it's to look like the best version of you, no matter who that is, and to feel energized along the way. Exercising even 20 minutes a day will improve your health, decrease stress, and increase longevity.
   • Pay attention to what you eat. We all have our guilty pleasures when it comes to food, and that's perfectly acceptable. But what we put into our bodies does have an effect on how we look. Try to incorporate fruits, vegetables, as well as whole grains into your diet, and drink lots of water. You'll look better, feel better, and have more energy during the day. If you need help devising an action plan for weight-loss, consult a nutritionist or doctor.
   • Pay attention to the way you look. Some people think that grooming is a waste of time. While it may not be the most important ritual in life, it's probably pretty important to your soulmate. So do your soulmate a favor: bathe regularly, groom your mug, and dress in clothes that flatter you. Your soulmate will thank you.
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   Express your individuality. Focus on the things that make you a wonderful human being. This step is all about following your own inner voice and conscience. Do what you want to do — within reason — and don't make any apologies for being yourself. Your soulmate will be drawn to who you are deep down inside.
   
   
   
   • Find out who you are. Some people are born knowing who they are, and others have to go on a journey of self-discovery. Whichever is the case for you, it's a good idea to right your own ship before you deal with someone else's. Find out what's important to you, what you believe in, what you like and what you dislike. Knowing these things will ultimately give you a lot of tools to find your soulmate.
   • Reward yourself by doing the things you really want to do. If you get a kick out of cycling, take time after work to get on your bike and barrel down those roads. There's a good chance that your soulmate will share a lot of your interests. Who knows? Maybe you'll meet them along the way.
   • Create art. You don't have to be an artist to create art. Art is self-expression at its barest. Art can be writing faithfully in your journal or blog, making ceramics or pottery, or building miniature models of ships. Whatever form of art you choose, put your body and soul into its creation, and don't be afraid to show it to other people.

Part Three: Attitude

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   Expect the unexpected. If you're expecting your soulmate to be love at first sight, you might never find what you're looking for. So cultivate a sense of improvisation, and take pleasure in the unexpected.
   
   
   
   • Keep an open mind. People have an uncanny ability to surprise you if you give them time. Remember the old idiom: "Things aren't always as they seem." Be open to new opportunities, new places, and most importantly, new people. Part of the romance of having a soulmate is being pleasantly surprised. Who knows, you might even learn a few thing along the way!
   • When you meet someone who has soulmate potential, don't get carried away. It's so easy to get lost in fantasies of how awesome your relationship might be, because with those fantasies come high expectations, and sometimes expectations are unrealistic! Make it a point to remind yourself that this new person is human, which means they're not perfect. They will make mistakes, and you need to be ready to cope and forgive, rather than act shocked that the person dares to be anything but perfect.
   • Weather the storms. Contrary to what popular media would have you believe, meeting your soulmate doesn't guarantee you a "happily ever after." Things won't necessarily get easier when you find that special someone. In fact, things might get even harder. Ultimately, a soulmate is someone you can grow with, and the only way to grow together is to face challenges together. So put your heart and soul into a relationship, and stick with it through the ups and downs, even when you question whether it's meant to be. When you're old and content, you might look back and realize that you were with your soulmate all along.
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   Be patient. Fate doesn't work on a schedule. Your soulmate might cross paths with you when you're 8 or 80 years old. You might look forward to spending the majority of your life with your soulmate — perhaps buying a house, getting married, starting a family — but it may or may not be in the cards. One bittersweet lesson of life is that we don't know until we know.
   
   
   
   • If there's only one person in the world who can be your soulmate, what are the chances that she'll live in your town, look like the people you grew up with, or even speak the same language? It might be pretty slim. Broaden your horizons; your treat to yourself is that you have so many different people and places to explore!
   • A soulmate isn't always a lifemate. Your soulmate will color your world no matter how old you are, so don't rush into things. Let things take their course. Don't be so eager to find a soulmate that you end up forcing the wrong person into the soulmate box, causing pain for everyone involved. The love you get from your soulmate is strong, effortless, and timeless.